it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
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