I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
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