Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
COCAINE IS GR8
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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