can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Randomize
