ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Randomize
