i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
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