Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
Randomize
