we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
