i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
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