Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
Randomize
