I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
Randomize