Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
Randomize
