just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
Randomize
