i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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