i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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