4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
