the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
