I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
