Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Randomize
