hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
Randomize
