Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
if i died would you start the facebook group?
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
