I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
Randomize
