Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
