i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
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