Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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