Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
im gay
i know
yea but for you.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Randomize
