I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
Randomize
