masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Randomize
