Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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