my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
Randomize
