Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Randomize