I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Randomize
