Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
