so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
oh god the rape fog is back!
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
Found the puke drawer
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
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