Just fell off a train. Bad.
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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