Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
The air was thick with penises
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
