all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize