there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Randomize
