Plan B is the new Plan A
I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Randomize
