he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
Randomize