I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
