Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
