On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
I am one with the molecules
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
