My friends, they love my intelligence
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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