i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
Randomize