Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
Randomize
