i permit you to call me
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Randomize
