think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
Randomize
