quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Randomize
