How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Randomize
