the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
