I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
