I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
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