Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
Randomize
