I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
