You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
