No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
