oh god the rape fog is back!
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize
