just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
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