i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
