His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
ttyl tear gas
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
