Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
