They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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