A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
