I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
Randomize