You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
