He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize