I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
Randomize
