My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
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