Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize
