i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Randomize
