I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
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