I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
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