remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
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