I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
I came so hard my ears popped.
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