So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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