we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
my being single is dangerous.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
