Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Randomize
