it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
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