I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
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