i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
Randomize
