Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
Little spoons don't ask big questions
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
