Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
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