it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
I need water and some morals
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize
