This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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