I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
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