One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
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