ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
