I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Randomize
