I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Randomize
