The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
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