youre lurking in front of me
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
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