Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
Randomize
