I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
