Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
Swine flu is the new snow day.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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